It was our last night in California
Our flight was early in the morning, so we were sent to bed imminently. 79a didn’t have a problem falling asleep though. She dozed off as soon as
her head hit the pillow. However, I kept rolling around in my bed, with all sorts of thoughts going through my mind.
No matter how much I denied it, I had feelings for Rashid. I really did. I've never had such strong feelings towards anyone in my life before. Not even
79a knew how strongly I felt about him. Not only did my heart ache, but my stomach was filling up with guilt and regret. I mean, why did I ever agree to
be engaged to Mayed at such a young age?! Nothing against him, he's a gentleman. Its that I just started my senior year for crying out loud! I'm only 17!
I have a life ahead of me! Okay its not like I'm going to get married right away, but it felt like I was trapped and my actions had limits. My decision was
based on my anger, and that’s never a way to make a decision. I put myself in a position I don’t want to be in, and now I don’t know how to get out.
I finally decided to get out of bed. I needed to BREATHE.
I wrapped myself in a silk robe that I had brought with me, and stepped out into the balcony. The autumn breeze gave me goose bumps on top of the
ones I already had. I leaned down and watched the people walk up and down the blocks. Their lives seemed so much simpler than mine. I envied them.
My mind drifted off and I started humming to myself. No particular song. Just the "hold" tune.
"ALO?" I suddenly heard, followed by a slight chuckle.
I froze. Turned around.
No one was behind me.
WHO THE HELL SED THAT!
I started freaking out and panicking.
"Hadi hadi." The voice said again.
This time, Mayed's head peeked from the dividers between the two balconies. I let out a breath of relief.
"OMG you scared me!" I said giggling.
"Can't sleep?" He asked.
I nodded, pulling my hair out of my face since the wind was blowing it everywhere.
"Yeah me neither." He added.
"Why not?" I asked him.
"I got a lot on my mind. What about yourself?"
"Nafs el 7ala."
Hdoooooo2.
"So what's on your mind?" We both asked at the same time, giggling afterwards.
I shook my head trying to tell him that it was nothing he should worry about, but he wasn’t convinced.
"Noora aba agoolch shay enty maknty t3rfeena." He said seriously.
My blood froze. What’s he about to tell me?!
"Remember when we were kids, and you'd come over and play with 79a? Well, kl7ad tam ygool 'Mayed 7ag Noora…Mayed bytzawaj Noora….Noora
3aroosat Mayed'. Literally kl7ad used to say it. My older brothers and my parents, even your mom. Bss t3rfeen I never knew how right they were until I
saw you a few weeks ago."
Not only was I majorly blushing, but my eyes were tearing up. My stomach was scrunching up in my body, and my I started to get nervous. Why's he
telling me this? I'm too young to hear this! Maba Maba!! What have I done to myself?! Doesn’t my opinion matter? Haven't they considered what I
thought? But I kind of agreed. But I was pissed! Ow who gives a decision like that to a 17 year old?!
"Noora, are you okay?" Mayed's facial expression changed from dazed to worried.
And NO I'm not okay! I chose to do something I don't want to do anymore! I felt so TRAPPED! Everything was happening all at once, I wish I could wake
up and it would all be a dream. I'm going to wake up and it's going to be the first day of school again. I'm going to see Slut Salama and the girls any
minute now.
How much I wished for that to be reality, but it wasn't. This was reality, and I couldn’t run from it, no matter how fast I ran.
"I'm fine." I finally answered him.
"Shaklch ta3bana. Ymkn yach el rgad. Go sleep, bacher warana safra." He smiled.
I wasn’t tired but I wanted any excuse to get out of this awkward position. I smiled back at him, and walked back towards the door.
"Goodnight…Again." He chuckled right before I walked in.
"Goodnight."
And I continued to stay awake. Not even closing my eyes to blink.
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